Friday, March 25, 2011
I feel I regret so much in choosing this course I'm in. It's not my first choice. I merely included in as one of my choices because, yeah, there are no more other courses in SP or NP I feel I'm interested in. Now that I'm already past the first year in this course, I feel like I should have considered and chose courses in RP as well. :(( Another two more years. Endure, persevere Aqilah! You can do it. Yeah, nursing is not my thing.. but, it's okay, I'll go along with the flow. Although I don't see myself in nursing after Poly, it's okay, take it as a learning experience. Right?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Part 2 23/03/11
Life's been a roller coaster ride for me. Especially at this phase of my life. Well, gotta learn and stay strong.
You know, I've been waiting. Waiting for him... I'm waiting, and it's been that long. I let go of the last one, cause I caare for him.. Though I still see him around school sometimes. Which puts a smile on my face. :))
Year 1's over, and Year 2's almost here. Insyallah I will do well in Year 2. I really hope I'll make some good close friends, at least one good close friend. I really hope I'll enjoy school more, even with my friends. I hope our chemistry's great as a class. Insyallah. Amin. :)
And, I wanna buy a side bag, and another or two pair of shoes. Urgh. Oh yeah, maybe gonna get a part time job too. Gonna try and work during school time as well.
Okay, I'll try to update more often as I can. I pity my blog for neglecting it too much you know.. Haha. Gotta go. Later!
xoxo
Aqilah
Part 1 23/03/11
Hello. Wow, haven't been updating. What's the point of keeping a blog without regularly updating it eh? It's already almost the end of Mar. During this month, gfs FaRaLeenQiShaNa and I celebrated four of our birthdays which fell on the month of Mar at Habourfront's Wave. Happy Belated Birthdays to Suhana, me, Amira and Fatin! It's good that our birthdays are so near to each other. ;))
Updates. One week after my birthday, I met him for the first time. I was kinda surprised when I saw him. He wasn't what I expected, but, *shrugs*. He himself was a bit surprised when he saw me he said. Haha. He's okay. He's nice and everything. Onllllly that turn-off part in the beginning. Can you believe this. After I've withdrawed some cash, he told me to wait as he was gonna meet some friends. So I waited. After that, he texted saying he's gonna hang around with his friends for a while and asked me to wait or walk around first. Can you believe this? I was surprised and I waited for some 10 mins before making my way to the library when he caught up with me anyway. Guys aren't suppose to do that, especially during first dates. It's a big n0-no. Well, whatever. We watched Rango. It was a nice and funny cartoon comedy. After that we went home.
I'm still texting him. But honestly, after our first date, I don't like him like him. I only regard him as a friend. So.. I'll be telling him very soon, I guess. I don't wanna lead him on.
So. I'm having my holidays right now. This is the last week and I'll be starting my 3 week attachment next week. -.- Oh boy. Really hope it goes well and fun. Insyallah. Amin. I wanna hang out more with gfs. I MISSSS them loads. And btw, when are my bro and I gonna move back to bp?? *sigh*
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Remember in the last post I said I thought he probably didnt want to text me anymore? When he texted again, he said his phone died and he didn't had any charger for his phone at his aunt's p;ace. Well. It's been a month already that him and I are texting each other. After I got back from aunt's house in Johor (spent a few nights there during the CNY holidays), there was something different about him. He didn't text me in the morning as early as 5 plus anymore. Sometimes he would text me in the morning around 6 or 6 plus, sometimes he would even text me at 9am, for example. Like he doesn't really care anymore. I wonder if cous heard me and one of his sisters, Girl Girl talking. And if he had, which I'm sure he did, I wonder if he told him once he got back to camp. So far, he hasn't say anything about that. Sometimes I just feel we've drifted apart, even though we've just known each other for a month.
Anyway.. I'm looking forward to meeting him. Cause I wanna know how he looks like, how he actually is. I want to get to know more about him. I wanna see if he actually meets my criteria, not in a way that he has to be cute or anything, but if I can get along fine with him. I know there are some guy friends I can get along with, joking and everything and I'm totally comfortable with. I wanna see if he can be like them. If he does, I won't right away be his girlfriend, no way. I like to take time and see how it really goes. If he's not what I'm looking for, we are still friends. But I hope it won't crushed him too much. I hate making guys crushed.
So far he's okay. Only about that one thing I kinda have issues with. I'm not used to people like him, really. When I first found out, I made sure I was still breathing. I was really suprised. I wish I hadn't known, really. But still, I should just treat it as if I didn't know. Why should I shun away from him right. It's just scary (hints).
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Last week, it was the first time him texting me. The first text I ignored. I was like who the heck is this. I thought maybe just a random person texting another random person. He probably doesn't even know who I am. But when he texted again a few days later past my bedtime, he introduced a bit of himself, I decided to reply the next day. I was quite curious to how he got my no. Of course. Sheesh. Thaat boy.
We started texting each other then, and it's been a week. Last Sun when I told him lets not text each everyday, he was like, "Sedih tak leh msg lagi". Haha. But then, we would text each other in the morning at 5 plus and again after I end school. However, since a few days ago, he's been...like disappearing. At first, he would be enthuastic in texts, but now. He doesn't sound that enthuastic anymore. And he would reply me one hour later etc. Today, when I texted him, he still hadn't reply. It's unlike him.
I was prepared to give him a chance. He was looking for a girl. I am still looking for a guy. But I know if he's not the one then I can't do anything about it. So far he has been okay. Although I still don't know how he looks like. But now, I feel he's avoiding me or something. I think he has already lost his interest. Lost interest huh. I don't really mind. But at least tell me you don't wanna continue texting me if you want to move on. Tell me if you're a man. Don't keep me waiting, with doubts.
I guess it was just a short wishful thinking. I only knew him for a week. I don't even know how he is really like. I don't even know how his voice's like. I thought I was really slowly starting to accept him, like him, but...well, I guess there is an ending to every start. I really hope if he's decided to move on, don't wanna continue texting me, I really hope he will at least tell me that, soon. It isn't nice to keep a girl waiting, you know..
Sunday, January 09, 2011
My name's Aqilah, and I'm destined to lead a life like this. My bro and I have been strong although we've fallen time and again. But the good thing so far, we aren't broken. I see others, I see how fortunate they are. They are soo fortunate. But me, I'm considered fortunate, only they are better than me. I dunno who I am. I'm not sure if I was the person I am a few years back. Sometimes I think I've changed. It's like a rebellion is happening between the positive and negative part of me. Sometimes I'm so confused. I get frustrated, I get stressed out, I feel like I'm gonna fall hard. My life is so desperately sad I hope Allah is planning something good for me, and my brother. Mum's gone, and dad's far away that I'm soo used to without him being here by my side. I now know exactly how Harry Potter feels. The way people and teachers look at me. I know. But the thing is, I don't feel reeaally sad because of my mum or dad. I feel sad, because I feel there's no freedom here for us. We are teenagers, and we feel like a bird desperately wanting to get out of it's cage. I feel so helpless sometimes. I know I've got some great friends, I know I can confide in them anytime I want. But somehow, I make myself better by singing and crying. I dunno.. Maybe I feel that because I don't see them everyday I don't confide in them. But I know it's only a phone call away.
I know I gotta be strong. For myself and bro. My bro's probably the worst hit. If I'm not strong, who's gonna be there for him when he needs a listening ear? Sometimes, people just misjudge and misunderstand him. Just because he used to be a spoiled brat doesn't mean he will be forever. I hate this part of my life, and I wish, my bro and I could move back and live at our house in BP. I want us to lead a normal life again. Do you ever leave your house and always feel not wanting to go home? We do loads of times. Whenever I have a great time outside with friends, I dread coming to this stupid house. We never feel at ease here. It's okay. we'll celebrate our freedom when I turn 21, another two years to go. Two years is actually fast, mind you. But for me and my bro, it's that slow. Whatever it is, people, you've got to be strong if you're in a better situation than me. I'm always sad. I've got full of hatred and sadness. I sympathize with myself. But I gotta be strong. Now is not the time for me to break up into pieces. It's the time to face reality and be a stronger person. I know it's meant for us to be. I know.
Friday, December 17, 2010
When he looked at me, I wonder if what went through my mind is what he's thinking. But I don't prefer boys who girls are so head over heels on. It irks me. As in, not irk irk. But irk kind of chase me away from him. To me, going for a boy who everyone is gaga with gives competition. I dont want too much competition. It's just.. as if he's so popular. Me, like a so-called-popular guy? In your dreams.
He can be any girl's dream guy. But in order for a guy to steal my heart away takes some effort, like seriously. I just knew him like, what, for two weeks. Before that, yeah, I've seen him around. But I didn't reeaally know him then. Well, anyway, he comes from a different world. Well that's too bad isn't it.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
It hurts. But I'll know if it'll still hurt once attachment's over.
The music tells me what to feel
I like you now, but is it real?
By the time we say goodnight
I'll know if this is right
And I feel you
Comin through my veins
Am I into you?
Or is the music to blame?
[Chorus:]
Who owns my heart?
Is it love?
Or is it art?
Cause the way you got your body movin's
Got me confused
I can't tell if it's the beat or sparks
(Oh)
Who owns my heart?
Is it love?
Or is it art?
Y-Y-Y-You know I wanna believe
That we're a masterpiece
But sometimes it's hard to tell in the dark
Who owns my heart?
Like I said, I'll know once attachment's over. But I know this ain't real. It's just a dream.
